I’m not going to lie, I thought for a while about what to include in this post. Eventually I decided that the only real option was to be completely honest, in the hope that others will realise they are not alone and that it is totally ok to feel down sometimes.
As writers we all know that waiting and rejection are part of the game. I haven’t met a writer yet who hasn’t experienced both these things. However it’s the rejection part I wanted to deal with here, and while I completely understand and appreciate that to be in the business you have to have a thick skin (something akin to Rhino hide by the sounds of things) it is not to say that you should supress your feelings.
When I realised I hadn’t made the pitch wars mentee list I had such mixed emotions. I was so happy for the awesome people who had made it (many of whom are now twitter buddies) but at the same time I did feel a little crushed. Doubt started to creep in, that awful demon in my head started to shout that little bit louder, telling me that my lack of success was simply down to ‘not being good enough’. I’ll admit, I listened to that demon for a couple of hours and felt totally rubbish.
Then, I remembered something. A few years ago I was going through a really tough time and thankfully my family rallied around me. I will never forget something my dad said back then, ‘know your own worth’. Sounds so simple. However, in reality it can be so hard to achieve. That advice got me through and encouraged me to start believing in myself back then and it was the turning point for that whole situation. The same was true of Pitchwars decision day, I politely told that demon in my head to shut up and listened to all the positive things people were saying, particularly the mentors and my fabulous husband. Writing IS subjective and not getting picked is no reflection on your work, for those who didn’t get picked, like me, you ARE good, you and I are obviously destined to take a different path. I firmly believe there will be a reason for the way things pan out, even if it’s not obvious yet. Interestingly, I got a rather exciting email on decision day about another project I am working on, something that I might be able to share in the coming weeks. Who knows, maybe this is my path?
I know I have probably not said anything new or groundbreaking in the above but I wanted to reassure people that it is ok to feel disappointed, it is ok to doubt yourself from time to time. Just don’t let it consume you or blind you to all the positivity this community can provide. I feel very lucky to have connected with such a supportive group of people who are always around to cheer you on.
For those continuing in the Pitch Wars journey, I salute you all and wish you all the luck in the world (and will be cheering you on from the sidelines!), for those of us following our own journey, I am here to support, cheer and encourage as we find our own way. Trite as it may sound, we will all get there. Even if ‘there’ ends up being somewhere a little different than we first planned.